Sunday, July 03, 2011

Best baldies in gaming

Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney has been hitting the HEADlines recently despite the fact the Premier League season is now well and truly over. The bald truth is that the star striker's hair-raising antics have dominated the newspapers with Wayne revealing he's had a hair transplant. We just hope that the guys behind the FIFA series have got enough time before the next instalment to update his character model.

Anyways, it got us at Megabits wondering who some of the best baldies were in the world of gaming. There have been plenty of iconic heroes and villains over the years - from Sonic's arch rival Dr Robotnik to everyone's favourite egg, Dizzy. However, we've decided to restrict ourselves to the current generation of console.

So hair they are:

10. Kratos (God of War 3)

An iconic baldie if ever there was one and synonymous with Sony's PlayStation consoles. Kratos on the PS3 is a joy to behold with all those flames and special effects shining off his high definition bonce. At least all the blood and gore is easy to clean off his shiny white head!

9. Brucie (Grand Theft Auto IV)
Mr Kibbutz is a bit of a high flyer in GTA IV, an entrepreneur and a fitness fanatic who's not afraid to whip his shirt off for the ladies. He's not ashamed of his alopecia - in fact, if he had any hair he'd probably wax it off.

8. Zoran (Uncharted 2)
There seems to be a common thread among our choices - these guys aren't afraid of a little violence to get their own way. And everyone's favourite Serbian antagonist, Zoran Lazarevic, is no different - as he'll do pretty much anything to defeat Uncharted's Nathan Drake.

7. Pigsy (Enslaved)
An old friend of Enslaved's Trip, Pigsy isn't exactly a looker - but although bald and bloated, he's still a bit of a ladies man. Just goes to show that women are weird!

6. Lynch (Kane & Lynch 2)
Time hasn't been kind to James Seth Lynch. He'd really let himself go for the sequel to the fairly limp Kane & Lynch heist fest. His distinctive hairline - or lack of it - had certainly seen better days (he's obviously the one on the right!).

5. Visari (Killzone 2)
Scolar Visari is head of the Helghast and not a guy you want to mess with. He's quite an imposing figure - the whole long coat and grumpy face thing certainly gets everyone's attention!
Just goes to show that, in gaming, at least, bald tends to mean bad!

4. Coach (Left 4 Dead 2)
Saying that though, there's not a bad bone in this bald guy's body... although Coach does leave plenty in his wake! As one of the playable characters in Valve's awesome co-op zombiefest Left 4 Dead 2, Coach is there to teach the undead a thing or two.

3. Darius (Red Faction: Armageddon)
Darius, star of the new third person shooter and grandson of Alec, is a man on a mission and must save the people and the planet. Plenty of destruction and badass weaponry make this a baldie to be reckoned with.

2. Ishi (Bulletstorm)
Ishi Sato doesn't have a particularly great time in EA's acclaimed Bulletstorm; badly injured, a doctor patches him up and transforms him into a cyborg who reluctantly has to help protagonist Grayson Hunt to rid the world of General Sarrano.

1. Cole MacGrath (Infamous 2)
What can be cooler than being able to shoot bolts of electricity from your hands? Ask former bike courier, Cole MacGrath, who is tasked with restoring Empire City to its former glory following a devastating explosion.

Baldies certainly seem to dominate the key roles in modern gaming. Just as consoles prove themselves capable of realistically capturing the appearance of hair - rather than the old days where a blob of brown or blonde was shoved atop someone's head - the trend seems to be that bald is best!


Dont forget Agent 47 from Hitman

No Agent 47 + no Dian Wei = list fail.

Great list, but where's Sagat from Street Fighter? He's Bald and he's the Emperor of Muay Thai!


Wow. What a horrid list. I have a feeling the author just scrolled through some recent games and put up this shitty list.

Heres another one that could have been included- Psycho from Crysis Warhead

But not mentioning Agent 47? GET THE FUCK OUT.

Where the FUCK is Dizzy? Your list sucks and you should die!

Or something equally worthwhile, constructive and sophisticated.

This list is crap. Some of them are clearly not Bald and everybody knows Mr.47 is the King

First names that came to mind for me were Bonk, Sagat, and Agent 47. Glad to know that at least I have played games from outside of this console generation :S

I am Internet, hear me bluster.

If Lynch made this list, Dr. Wiley should have as well.