Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Achievements: The Five Most Shameful

We love achievements and trophies here at Megabits, so much so that we devote every Tuesday to talking about them. Nevertheless, not every point of Gamerscore is worth having. Check out the five achievements that say bad things about you:

5. Dead or Alive 4 -
20 Straight Losses DOA Online (0G)

Speaking as someone who has the thumbs of an arthritic washerwoman, I’ve got a fair few online losses on my record, but there’s no game I’ve ever lost twenty matches in a row at. No fighter, no shooter, no racer. It boggles my mind that there could be people out there who’ve lost 20 matches in a row, until I remember that Dead or Alive is the game infamous for its ‘breast bounce’ animation. Perhaps you were playing one-handed? You don’t even get any consolation points, just a badge of shame.

4. Madden 06 -
Complete 30 Years of Franchise (400G)

It’s not quite on a par with all the ‘Seriously’ and ‘Genocide’ achievements, but this little number is a sure sign that you’ve got too much time on your hands. Putting together a thirty year run of management can only be sensibly accomplished by running simulations of each season, a task that will involve sitting in front of your console doing practically nothing for about four hours.

3. Avatar -
The whole 1000G

Yeah, sure, you love Manga and that’s why you played Avatar: The Legend of Aang. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the second level lets you stand in a corner throwing ranged shots while the villains run at you, allowing you to string together an enormous combo-streak that will net you 1000G in under five minutes.

2. Eat Lead -
Hazard Time (15G)

There are plenty of titles that dish out points just for starting a game. Modern Warfare springs instantly to mind. Start up points are cringeworthy at the best of times, but Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard doesn’t just dish out a little five point sweetener. No, this game is so lacking in inspiration it gives you a whole 15GS for hitting start. Of course, you can’t be blamed for how the developers choose to dish out points, but you can be blamed for playing this game in the first place. We warned you!

1. Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 -
Complete Collection (100G)

Some of the items on this list are shameful because they’re so time consuming, while others deserve ridicule for being so sleazy. Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 gets the top spot for being both. You spend hour after tedious hour playing sub-par volleyball matches, casino games and jet ski races in order enough to persuade a collection of young women to be your ‘friend’, a relationship which involves buying them bikinis and taking softcore photos of them. If they make a sequel it will probably involve date rape.