Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Top Ten Video Game "Realities" (part two)


Missed Part One??? Then click here.

5) Power-ups (Mario, Sonic)
Whether it’s Mario’s mushrooms or Sonics super sneakers, most games make use of one powerup or another, usually hidden or difficult to find. In real life, however, the closest we can get to a power-up is a cup of strong coffee, and even then that only last from 7-11am. Granted, some other substances could be called power-ups, but there’s a cost with those, which brings me onto my next point...


4) Lack of consequences (GTA, Postal)
If GTA were anything like real life, I’d be a multi-lifer locked up for the shameless murder of hundreds of innocent civilians, mass property damage, thievery, extortion, prostitution, blackmail... You name it. Thankfully, in the game world if I do anything like that I get put back on the streets, down a few quid, and immediately gun down the nearest old lady to steal her mobility scooter.
Real life, however, is a little less blasé about genocide.


3) Survivability (Battlefield, COD)
“Is this guy bulletproof?!” This is one of my stock exclamations when some guy online ignores the two shotgun rounds I’ve just pumped into his brain. And yes, he basically is. From Zelda to COD, games have perpetrated the myth that you can take a sword blow to the neck, or fifteen rounds from an assault rifle and keep on running. Reality tells a different tale. Get hit by a broadsword and you will suffer maiming. Don’t even get me started on how easy it is to survive a helicopter crash in Battlefield 3...


2) Quick save/Quick load
It would be nice, wouldn’t it, to be able to hit F8 before you make a life-altering decision, so that if it all goes to pot you can hit F9 and reappear before you split up with your partner/took that job/ate the dangerously out-of-date tuna sandwich/dabbled in voodoo. Sadly, unlike almost every game ever made, real life can’t quick-save and quick-load, so your mistakes will stay just that. Bummer. Shouldn’t of bought those shares in that Greek company.

1) Respawning
In real life, there are no do-overs. Dead is dead. No respawns, no spawn killing (thankfully!) and no chances to try again. In gaming, mortality is merely an inconvenience, in reality, it’s the be-all and end-all.



Honourable mentions:
Immense, incalculable knowledge about everything from guns to computer hacking
Scientists/soldiers (Gordon Freeman, Issac Clarke)
Magic (Any fantasy title)

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